I remember when I was pregnant with my first baby, my husband and I told ourselves the same lie all new parents tell themselves: our baby will be different. (He wasn’t.) When I was pregnant with number two, we told ourselves the next lie: this time, it will be different because we know what we’re doing. (It wasn’t. We didn’t.)
The truth is that we do lie to ourselves all the time. The problem is we don’t always realize we’re lying.
I’ve had a chance to think about that recently. I realized I have been lying to myself for a long time. Almost three years, to be exact.
It started when I lost *all* the baby weight after having the aforementioned baby number two. It took a year, but I got back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. That is the telling statement there: pre-pregnancy weight.
That doesn’t mean it was my ideal weight. But I had convinced myself that was the best I could do. “I’m just a bigger person,” I’d tell myself. Or, “I’ve tried really hard to lose more weight and it’s IMPOSSIBLE. I must be meant to be this size.” Or, “I’d have to STARVE myself in order to lose weight.”
So I continued running. I continued working out. I started working out more. I trained for a half marathon. Still, my weight stayed the same. It must be true, then, right? I really was at my ideal weight.
And yet, there was that little voice inside me that knew I was lying to myself. I knew my eating habits weren’t as good as they could be. In fact, they were becoming downright awful.
Instead of eating my usual salad for lunch, I’d started buying focaccia buns and cheese from the deli every once in a while. Then it was every week. Or I’d sit down with a bag of “exotic” veggie chips after dinner. Once a week. Or eat an entire container of wasabi peas.
By the time April rolled around, I’d actually put five extra pounds on top of my pre-pregnancy weight. I felt chubby, and chunky, like all that working out wasn’t making one bit of difference. Yes, I was still running/power walking/weight training and just generally exercising six to seven days a week. But it wasn’t enough. I was lying to myself.
After talking to my fitness buddies and Sue, my Tread Powerfully instructor, I knew it was time to stop telling myself that lie. I knew how to eat properly. I just wasn’t doing it.
I re-joined Weight Watchers and started really keeping track of what I was eating. I went back to eating salads, chicken breast, salmon, sweet potatoes and all those good foods I knew I should eat. I (mostly) cut out the junk, and when I did eat the junk, I didn’t overindulge. And even then, I kept my overindulgence to within my allotted WW points values for the day and week.
It’s a sensible system for people who already know the basics of good nutrition. I certainly wouldn’t recommend it for everyone, but if you know how to eat properly and just don’t (and I’m a perfect example), it can really help keep that calorie in/calorie out equation in the right balance.
I also started ordering my produce from an organic farm. Once a week, I pick up my order of organic fruits and veggies from a house nearby, where it gets dropped off. It actually works out to be cheaper than buying the stuff from the grocery store and it’s different every week. It’s fun to see what veggies and fruit we get each week, and trying to figure out new and exciting meals to make with our fresh produce.
So I stopped lying to myself, and I feel better for it. I have to admit, since I started paying attention to what I’m eating, I feel more alert, I have more energy, and I’m in a better mood. (At least some of the time! But there’s another lie to start working on…) I even get up at 5:45 a few mornings a week to go for my run. Now there’s energy for you!
And I’m happy to report I’ve dropped 13 pounds! It turns out I could lose some weight without starving myself. I just had to start paying attention to what I was eating. Now let’s see if the new, lighter me can kick my own ass at the 5K race on Saturday.
My best 5K time is 27:10. Can I beat it? We’ll find out on Saturday for sure… those insecurities are best left to another time! (Let’s just say I hope I’m not lying to myself again!)
Happy trails…
